HCG today was 404. P2 about 55. Happy and freaked out. I keep thinking the number rising is going to make me feel better. I feel relief for a split second then worried about the number all over again. It's not unheard of that my numbers are low, but I'm so high risk that the numbers are a huge issue. I quote the youngest nurse, "Doctor said we will be monitoring you VERY closely." It's all about making it to an ultrasound with a heartbeat. My eggs were age 44 when they were frozen, and I'm 46 now.
For a person who's losing her mind, I'm okay. I’d like to talk to the doctor, but I’m
afraid. Yet, I don’t care for Nurse Ellen
because she sounds so detached - like one of those nasally wenches who knows she has the power to break you with the most subtle change in her tone of voice. Today, she sounded so disinterested, when we both know this is a promising development, considering my case. Her personality just comes off phony. I know I shouldn't judge her, but she gets under my skin. I feel small when she calls me. I don't feel small when anyone else from the office calls me. Maybe she's going through something hideous in
her own life and that's the best she can do. I must accept that I’m
self-obsessed right now and try to go easy on people.
God’s in charge. I also recognize that I'm interchangeably nuts one minute and spiritual the next, which is the best I can do.
My symptoms today are more nausea earlier in the day. My chest size has gone from 36.5 to 39 in three weeks. My eyes are tired, and I have a slight headache and general annoyance by how hot my body feels. Laughter keeps me sane. I watch a lot of America's Dumbest Criminals and Tosh.0 (who's an asshole but funny at times). I was told by my acupuncturist not to watch anything violent. So far, I've done everything she's said.
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