Fifth Beta - 874

874 is not good.  I started my sixth week yesterday.  It was already low but should've been at least 1600 today.  They gave me four days to increase (Monday it was 404) until this morning (Friday), so it's behind by one doubling and should be around 1600, even though that's still low.

It's heart wrenching to hear this news, but it's not over yet.

When I get news like this, I feel a chill come over me.  It's so scary.  Of course, I got the insensitive nurse again.  She has no idea she's being insensitive, just doing her job, but I kind of jumped on her.  When I picked up the phone, she announced herself, then says, "Your number didn't double, so the doctor wants you to come back again on Monday for more blood...  [I'm thinking ... HELLOooooo.  What the fuck's the number?]  She's going on and on with her insensitive monologue, asking me if I feel nauseous [to which I say, "Yes, I'm pregnant."].  She means violently nauseous.  Asked me if my shoulder hurt.  All this crap... but still ... no number.  I kind of jumped on her at that point, "What's the number please?"  She says, "Oh, I'm sorry, it's 874."  By her miserable tone of voice, I thought the number was 450 or something.  I said, "Well that's what people usually want to know first is the number.  They can pretty  much figure out whether it doubled or not," to which she agreed.

I got off the phone and immediately felt more nauseous than before her call, at which point I emailed her.  I told her to please not call anymore, just to send me the numbers by email - and only - the numbers, unless there were further instructions from the doctor.  I explained it was my hormones, which it is.  (I can't be mad at the poor woman because things aren't going my way.  It's really not okay.)  I wish this whole process didn't make me so crazy.  It's like I'm someone else and feel like my brain is on amphetamines and my body on opiates.  When the slightest change happens on Groundhog day, all hell breaks loose.

I really need to trust Him and should probably stay off of the computer until Monday.