Sunday, February 23, 2014

Surrender

Yesterday I spent all day on the computer looking for any iota of hope that I could carry this child.  I was emotionally worn out by bedtime - feelings of grief and fear gripped me, as well as the disappointment I would have to share with my husband that my numbers weren't good.  I went to bed sad.  Before waking, I had a dream I was talking to God and my baby.  I gave my baby to God and submitted to His will.  I felt that I really let go.  When I woke up, I had my hand on my belly and believed that she was still alive and I was talking to her, telling her she could stay, that we wanted her.  I don’t know everything that happened in my dream, but I was at peace when I woke up and had a great morning.  Hubby got me doughnuts again, just like yesterday.  I took my progesterone shot around 11:30 a.m.  Started feeling nauseous about 1pm, totally bloated after lunch at 3:00 p.m.  My uterus has felt heavy since I woke up but no bleeding.  On to another big week.
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2 comments:

  1. BluesgirlFebruary 25, 2014 at 4:01 PM

    I found your blog the morning of my first beta. It seems as though we are in the same boat, however I began bleeding (lightly and it stopped after about 20 min) this morning. I'm anxiously awaiting the doctors call to let me know what my beta shows. You are not alone...

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  2. NeverCompletedFebruary 27, 2014 at 9:14 PM

    Thank you for reading. I'm sorry we have this in common. It's so hard. I have no choice but to write, less I lose my mind. I just said a prayer for you, Bluesgirl. No matter what happens, we will be all right and eventually living life to the fullest again.

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