My fifth beta is on Friday, so my relief over the 404 number on Monday is morphing into a little paranoia and worry as Friday gets closer. I've been doing way too much searching online for bullshit. It's like I have to read every story that's remotely similar to mine only to make myself crazier. I haven't felt this out of control since the last time I did IVF. In fact, I've been crazy each and every time I've done this.
Today, for example - really, every day - I wake up not feeling pregnant. Little to no sore boobs, no nausea, and an almost flat stomach and midsection. Every day about 5:00 p.m., nausea sets in, I'm tired, a little irritable, and confused about what to eat for dinner. I will swear when I wake up that something's wrong, and I'll probably do it again tomorrow.
It's really just the numbers that have me messed up. I feel like my doctor is having conversations with the nurses about what he thinks but hasn't called me because he doubts it's going to work out. At the same time, I'm afraid to call him and hear doubt in his voice so feel I'm better off waiting around like everybody else.
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